i have to remember
all the things that
were bad
are bad
i need strength to
move on from here
i have to consider
that i am not in
your thoughts
in any way
i need to be resolute
to sit on my hands
to bite my tongue
i have to decide
to accept the fact that
you will continue to use me
if i let you

On sympathetic friends

Him:
URGENT!!! HE'S STILL HERE!! HOW DO I GET RID OF HIM?? HELP!!

Me:
Tell him you have the AIDS

Him:
WHAT??

Me:
Ok, ok, crabs then

Him:
That's not funny.

Me:
I dunno, I'm laughing....

Morning

I wake.

It's a quarter before the alarm
breaks fitful sleep.

I stretch-
then remember that
I'm not alone here.

Quietly
softly
I wriggle from tether
and creep to the bathroom...

this floor creaks.

I laid it all out there
the blubber
the penchant for
unmatched socks-
the scars
the lined up vials on the counter...

the space mask
the unwashed dishes
the magazines under the chair...

the book was found and unmentioned even.

I stood with arms crossed-defiant
door slightly ajar-waiting

and yet...

I declined to talk about it-
tired of talk-
of introspection-

so instead we laughed
and ate the ice cream I made
and listened to that awful crackle
his shoulder makes when he turns it just so--

and the light turned to dark
and the dark turned to light
and I remembered all the things I thought I forgot...

and the note was scribbled on a scrap of paper
and I went out into the morning without a thought
of....

Rookie

Note to self:

Check the speed on the mixer
before
you
turn
it
on.