My day in a nutshell...a true story

Chef:
Ok in the fridge there are berries.
They are round and red, they in box- I forget what you call them
No matter! Just get them, cut them in quarters. Hurry up!!!

Me:
(yes Chef!)

Chef:
But only cut the big ones in quarters-
cut the small ones in half..understand?

Me:
(yes Chef!)

Chef:
Wait! but not the really small ones
those you should not cut..they wrinkly and so ugly, bleck!!

(yes Chef!)

Wait! Wait!
(I stop in my tracks again)
The really big ones are ugly too... all thorny with the things like knobs on them...maybe don't cut those either...
(yes Chef- waiting)
And when you cut them with the knife, you cut them with LOVE, you are its LOVER
(yes... Chef)
They deeeserve love, when you cut them nice, they loooook like love...they OPEN like love, they
SHINE like love...
(yes Chef)
You know when you cut them right because they look like vaginas!!! What is more like love than VAGINAS???

(silence)

ugh....